Ok, so everyone has an opinion on depression, I thought I would try to do as others have suggested, I got a therapist, I got on Medications after extensive consultations, I got into reading about the symptoms and what to be careful of and…… IT GOT WORSE!
So, I am going to entertain a theory, I am going to start keeping a journal here, along with my other writings, poems, various stray thoughts, and with hopes, it will lead me to a sense of normality.
But, what is normal for me? I used to not let things bother me; I had no issues or sadness, or did I? What could this mean, why can’t I express myself & why do I make so many bad choices and irrational decisions? … all very hard questions.
I don’t even know if this is a form for this, last time I posted something online, everyone thought I was thinking of hurting myself, but that is the farthest from my mind.
I really need to vent and express my thoughts, and this will be the place, I will not be posting any information that could lead to problems, just express my thoughts, I also do not expect or want comments or “how to” statements, this is my illness, I may choose to share the process with you, but this is a hands off experience, you may indulge your voyeur fetishes, but no touching.
From this point, entries will be dated, with hopes; they will be frequent and not too disturbing
I started the day off well enough, no arguments with my spouse and all seemed OK, but when we went to counseling, it did not go well at all, I was made to feel like all of the world’s problems were my fault, even the therapist, who is supposed to keep an open mind had a few words for me that were not supportive, but more of a lecture, so for the rest of the day, it is speak when spoken to. I have managed to keep very calm over the past 3 days, no emotional breakdowns, no crying fits… Overall I give the day a 7.