Randomness


Yep, Randomness

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“Float” 16×20 Acrylic on Canvas 


Finished a new painting,…

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“Float” 16×20 Acrylic on Canvas

I’m planning on doing more like this, I have been working on a lot of new paintings, trying to find my stride, as it were, looking to fill a place in my life that is now, quite vacant.

One of the things I find most interesting is, many I have shown this to say it may “reflect” the recent pain in my life that I have been going through. But, in actuality, when I look at it, I feel overwhelming amounts of Joy, it is to my view, an enlightenment of my spirit.

Sorry if that sounds “campish”…

Here are some others I have finished, now.. I’m Bragging, feel free to adore my work.

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Sunday Service Sinners
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Drift
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Street Lights
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Skylight
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Cell
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Corner of Oblivion and The Abyss

Today


Today is like any other day yet unlike any of the day before.

When you take time to look at your life and then compare it to the life you thought you’d have you find yourself possibly disappointed.

But just maybe if you look at it as what could have been and what could be that disappointment that you feel may pass.

However all things change so enjoy the moment live your life and continue to live until that has come to pass as well.

 

New Chapters, New Pain


Ever get a new book, and in the moment of wanting to get into a story that would or could be a great new advent,  you skip over the prelude or preface,  which contain the back story or reason for the story’s telling, often missing the whole point of things?

Life is much like that, each life skips over the beginning,  we often look at wanting the action, the romance,  the magical musical experience. But, as often, we find the tragedy, the suspenseful horror, the sad endings.

I leaped into my story, my life, looking for the love story and happy ending, the magical wild existence that all Disney movies promise,  only to find I am living in a Stephen King Trilogy, one where the hero leaves in disgrace after saving the world, it abandons him, hanging him to the proverbial cross of his own unwilling creation.

I unwillingly start a new chapter in my book of life, in it, the hero finds himself alone, disowned and abandoned by his kin, his Queen has ripped him from his throne and has expelled him from his one Castle and Kingdom. His children whom he loves have each had a devilishly evil part in his destruction.

The chapter starts with the hero wandering alone in a vast and shadowed wasteland, bent and broken, bruised and beaten,  bleeding inside, infected with sorrow and plagued by voices in his head, the echoes of the false accusations and the sound of his lover cursing his name, mocking him in unfounded anger when once that voice beckoned him to bed.

He drags himself through the dirt and waste, towards the dim light that glows just off the distant horizon,  bately escaping the blak shadow that is advancing upon his every shuddered step. He looks back, wondering how he missed the signs of treachery, how could he possibly deserved the betrayal,  the black blade still firmly lodged in his back, the wound no longer bleeds, and he has gotten used to the pain. His eyes, dried out and swollen from the constant stream of tears, his mouth, twisted from screaming inward, from behind a broken smile and it is dry from a lack of words to say, all his words were used to question and defend. His magic power has depleted to mere parlor tricks and his noble sword has become a cane for a broken man.

As our hero reaches the horizon, he finds the light was not the sun rising on the new day, but the fire and poisonous breath of the demon that has taunted his life. “I have come to finish you, you a once noble adversary, now I almost pity you,  one swat will finish you” the demon laughs, but the hero,  with his last bit of strength, his last spark of magic, stands tall, drawing up to meet the challenge,  draws his dullend blade and stands to the charge, definitely, “here I am, master of lies,  I’ve traveld all this way to find you, you thought I was running away, no, I was leading you away from the innocent”,  our hero smiles “come,  my blade is dull, so it will cause you more pain, the knife in my back is long and sharp, I will remove it and use it to take your hide to make new armor ” the hero steps forward, “come at me,  or are you still just a coward”

 

In the moment their eyes meet, the battle again begins, our hero, determined to continue protect and defend the lives and  honor of the very ones that left him to die alone.
Always the King

Always the Hero

Always the Fool

 

 

Random Words


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Calm emotionless air
Flows through my lungs
In and out
Repeatedly following the same pattern
Time and meter
No control or thought
Making it work

Blood pumps though my heart
Regular beats
In a rythem
So many per second
Again, by itself
No control

The life is controlled
By a brain and system
Regulated
Working as one
By itself, asleep or awake
With no interference
From me

Yet, this mind
So complex
Yet
So perfect
Cannot control me
To make me
Do things right
That is only
By Random Actions and Thoughts

They dont play well together
In conflict with itself
Causing my conflict
With you

If only we
Were automatic

Today


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Today is not like any other day. I find myself wondering about things in my life things I have done and that I have not done.

Again this may seem like an old man’s ramblings,  but today is not like any other day. What brings me to this point , that is one of the questions I see. In my life I have done some great things, yet the things but I feel my greatest accomplishments are considered everyday tasks.

I would say my greatest achievement is being a husband to a wonderful woman and being a father to five children. Yet, the same achievement could also be one of my greatest failures.

My wife and I are separated, growing distant everyday. My oldest son ignores my existence, my second oldest in prison, mentally unstable, my third son, my step son doesn’t want anything to do with me, my two beautiful daughters fear me.

How can things that started so well come to this, that I do have an answer…

Vanity, I believed I was perfect and I knew it all, I did not honor my wife and did not respect her opinion,  I imposed my will and tried to mold the kids into a television sitcom family, where the troubles of the world are solved in 22 minutes,  30 if you count the comercials.

It seems I worked myself into that painted corner where the pain will not dry. Trapped in the color of my delusional perfection.

I hope tomorro can be a brighter color than cloudy grey.