Opinion Article By Joseph Timmons
As I sit here to write this, I realize that when I publish this opinion article to my personal blog, I will become one of the most vilified persons on this earth.
It is with no reservation that I do this due to a thought that I have nothing to lose by being honest as to my thinking.
Please consider when reading this that it is my opinion, based on what I have seen occur in my life. I will endeavor to propose a significant argument that the problems faced by the present society is due to a lack of critical thinking on the parts of everyone involved, possibly including myself, but without offering the question, we will never obtain the answer, if such an answer exists.
My statements of opinion are not going to be notated or referenced, I will not offer links to published papers, and I believe that with any amount of information, supportive facts or documentation, there are those that will dispute and may even move towards stating that I am provisioning hate, which only supports my thought that this has become a nation of victims that, if victim status was removed, their lives would then have no meaning.
It is easier to me a victim than to be victorious, easier to cower than to command, and easier to ignore than to question.
We, as a nation, have become a society of victims, we have created a platform where everything offends us, and our skin has become velvety soft layers of glass that when touched shatter and send us running for the shelter of proclaiming that we have been victimized.
I do not propose that there are those that have truly been “victimized”, hurt, harmed or oppressed, but by everyone being “victims” it takes away from those that have actually endured life altering confines that have made life unbearable or close to impossible to deal with.
The world has become a scary place, but it is our complicity in ignorance of facts, the celebration of mediocrity and the self-imposed “state of enablement” in which we now strive to secure and dwell in that have caused it.
The Self Oppression of the Modern African American
As an African American, at the age of 52, I have seen some things that should not be; I have seen states of oppression, classism, racism and degradation of social connectivity. The life expectancy of the African American today is less than 70 years of age and more than 63% of African American youth face extreme hardship, criminal activity, police brutality and death by violent crime. But the factors that lead to this are skewed to the benefit of an agenda that is purveyed by those that monetize the pain and torment of a large portion of American culture.
Growing up, I had something in my life and my home that for others in my neighborhood was missing, and is still missing from many homes in this country, now, to the sadness of many, in both “black” and “non-black” homes, the element of a Father.
It is in my opinion, and with some support from documented writings, that without a Father in the home, young black men are not enabled with a sense of values, ethics or moralities that enable a sense of self and confidence to succeed. I am not proposing that single mothers cannot successfully raise a son, to the contrary, many single mothers in the African American community have done great things and have raised fine young men, but due to economic suppression, lack of support and family involvement many young African American men do not have a sense of self and look for this through connection with gangs, which offer a false sense of family, drugs, which offer an escape from reality, or assorted criminal activity which offer wealth.
At one time, this was only seen in dense urban areas, now it is prevalent everywhere. My father once told me “If you can’t stick around to raise a baby, don’t make a baby”, these words meant more than just “keep your pants on”. There was, and still is a strong stigma attached to not having a father in the home, and only few men get past this, no matter how much support is given, simply put, a child may consider that they were unwanted or unloved by the one that help to create them. I am neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist, but a cut that is so deep within may “heal” but the scar lasts forever.
Add to this the “concept of oppression” that is placed upon the African American today, the finger pointing, blaming Slavery, an act of oppression that no longer exists in this country, assuming that every “white” person is racist and hates blacks, and that you have to rebel everything gives way to a belief that being black is being a victim. Now, I have experienced racism, as well as many things associated with profiling, and I do not say that it does not exist, but, I don’t think it is as bad as some would say, in fact, the animosity felt between blacks and non-blacks is fueled by the rhetoric. I feel I can say this, as a black man in America, with all the crimes perpetrated on Blacks by Blacks, the drug abuse, the absence of ethical and moral behavior, the bait biting and slander… how can you expect others to respect you if you do not respect yourself? How can you ask others not to call you “Nigger” if you address each other by that name? Again, to quote my father “you act like a fool, don’t get upset when they call you a fool”.
Looking back at the civil rights leaders of the African American community in this country, they lived, fought and often died trying to promote the value of the life of “the Black Man and Woman” a sense of self-worth, value and promote harmonious living, if we, as Blacks were to look in the mirror with true objectivity, would we see ourselves as the beneficiaries of “The Dream” or as a people that have lose the ability to dream?
On this subject, my last thought – PULL UP YOUR PANTS, speak properly, act civilized and educated, don’t look for hate where it does not exist, be respectful and take responsibility. Be above what those that would claim you are by proving you are more than what they believe. Blaming others for your problems only spotlight your problems, become the solution, be the man you are meant to be. It is not “The White Man” that keeps you down, not anymore. and stop with the over-sensitivity, lets just grow up and realize that words will only have power over you if you allow it.
“Me Too” or “No, not you”
For centuries, women have been both deified and objectified, made to believe that “to be a woman” one must look or act a certain way, that they must perform a certain way or that they have only one place, and that place is below a man, to this is say bullshit!
A Woman can be who they want, what they want, when they want! A woman is more than “arm candy”, more than a “baby factory” and I agree that women have had to endure pain in and on many levels. Men have, and unfortunately will continue to disrespect women, and this is something that must change, these are our wives, sisters, mothers and daughters that are dealing with a state of less than 2nd class existence.
But, to classify every act of a man, publicly or privately as a “rape” is Ludacris. Rape is the forcible act of making one subservient in a sexual manner, to forcibly have sex or a sexual action. Yes, there are those that need to be brought to justice, that is a fact and it is without arguably something that must be done. But the “Me Too” movement has moved from bringing the act of exposing the perpetrators or socially unacceptable behavior or sexually criminal activity to the outright slander of the male of our species.
Not every man on this planet wants to degrade a woman’s sense of self, force her into subjection or make her a sex slave. In addition, not every woman should fear this or expect this.
In a male / female relationship there are expectations, to think you can enter into this relationship without the commitment to personal and cultural norms is entering into the relationship with false ideas. Without going into detail, one could say, that in a male / female relationship, one must be part of a union that comes with responsibilities and purpose that both parties desire, and plan to share. The same for when people date, the same in a general friendship, and so on. But the rules have changed and they expectations blurred, to be honest, I doubt that there are many men out there that really know what a woman wants, and many women that no longer really know what they are supposed to do.
Now, don’t freak out on me, read what I am going to say next… Ok?
With the prior statement, I have addressed the aspect of friendship, dating and marriage that we as men and women can become confused or disoriented as to how to behave in consensual relationships and issues that can be seen as problematic. So now, let’s look at some factors that may have led to this arguably insane issue.
Men want a woman who is always sexually attractive, socially engaging and enchanting, both physically beautiful and intellectually equal, that will be able to think for themselves yet yield to them as the “King of the Castle” and give them heirs to the family name. Men want a woman they can be proud of in every way and make other men envy their place in the woman’s life.
Sorry Guys, not going to happen, put down the storybook.
Women that engage in Heterosexual relationships want men that will love them, support their needs and protect them and any children that come from their relationship. Women want and need to be secure in the knowledge that they are placed in high regard and in the relationship there is trust. Women want the man in their life to be strong, virile and masculine. Women want a man they can be proud of in every way and make other women envy then for having this man. Often women have stated that they want the “Disney Daydream” a “Prince Charming” that will sweep them off their feet and live happily ever after… so, if this is true, women want a man that is strong, powerful, protective, perfect and will do everything to bring them complete happiness and joy.
How is that possible, who is dreaming now, really?
There is no possible way that both can get what they want because these types of people don’t exist outside of the storybooks, if a Man was to actually find a woman like described, she would be a brainless twit, or worse. And guys, really, there is no way we can meet all those expectations and still have time to go out, work, and pay the bills, we would have to stay home all day, give her everything she wants, and then find some way to pay for it. And, sexually speaking, the supply / demand factors for Viagra and condoms would be astronomical.
And ladies, that Prince Charming you have been dreaming of, that is the guy that would demand sex all the time, destroy your dreams of being considered an equal and would make you more miserable than you would ever consider.
Nobody is that perfect.
Yet, we try, and when men try to be what women “want them to be”, they are instantly labeled as Aggressors, Misogynists, Abusers and the like, and you can’t have it both ways, neither person can.
Where has this taken people, well with that “sense of entitlement” that seems to be all the rage now, if people want it, they demand it, complain about it and cry about it until they get it… then when they get it, then see it’s not what they want, they complain about that.
Sorry to say this but…
Men, the way women look at you, treat you and rate your behaviors is because you stopped being what you were supposed to be and tried to be what you were told you were supposed to be. And when you stood up for yourself ad tried to be a man, you are considered evil.
Women, the Men are doing exactly what you wanted them to, you wanted them to desire you in every way possible, to make you the only aspect of their life they wanted to be concerned with and to be the center of their life, so, this is what you asked for.
Not every man is a “rapist” because they want to you be what you said you would be, as a woman, you have infinitely more control over us than you want to admit. Guys need to respect women in all ways, period, end of story, and women need to respect men as well, if you want what you want, expect there to be imperfection, expect them to want something, and if you want to be the center of someone’s life, make them the center of yours.
Just to be clear guys, if you force a woman to do anything they don’t want to do, you are an ass-hat waiting to get your ass kicked in a courtroom or in an alley… OK?
And ladies, unless you realize you may actually have to keep your end of the deal, cook dinner, wash a few dishes, and treat your husband or boyfriend like he matters, buy a cat or find a wife, OK?
What do you see when you look down, and where to poop?
Odd title for the next topic is it not, the topic of sexuality and acceptance of a person’s gender identity.
There was a time when a person was Heterosexual, Homosexual or Bi-Sexual or at the farthest Transgendered. Now, there is a “flavor of the month” and new sexual identities are popping up, with no pun intended, in every bedroom of the world. Why has this become an issue, really, for one, it really should not matter, if you choose to live your life a certain way, that is your choice, and it should be respected. But this overwhelming need to make if not force people to recognize, respect and advocate your choice over their own? And why is the opposite “side” so upset about it?
If you choose to live in a manner that pleases you, that is for you, not me, I can see you for who you are, respect it and go on with my life. I will not admonish you for it and in the same regard I will not carry your banner for you. Where you go to relieve yourself is also very simple, if you have a male member, use bathroom on the left, if not use bathroom on the right, if you identify as a woman, use the appropriate restroom stall to allow your privacy while not announcing your arrival. Until recent years, people have been ok with not knowing what you do in your private lives.
In the same fashion, just because you don’t agree with a person’s “Identity”, it does not give you permission to tell them where they can go or what they can do, or where to go do it, deal with it, move on, accept people may be different. And yes, it is that simple.
I have read the bible, and Jesus did not care where people went to poop, he did have issue with corrupt clergy and pedophiles, which the modern day church seems to be ok with, which is another reason I don’t trust a religious based government.
I trust God, not the church.
Money, Politics and Idiots
Money is the #1 reason to go into politics, the government is full of corruption, and the only honest politician is one that has never run for office or has been elected. Democrat, Republican and every party in between do not care about us; it is seen every day and proven. The systems in place keep the poor in a constant state of poverty and the wealthy to continue to gain wealth, but then again, if you want to be rich then you have to work for it, if not, then you accept a life of poverty. If you expect to receive anything just because you are a citizen, then you have accepted the lie, if you voted for a finger pointing, lying demagogy that places power and money over human life then you get what you deserve, if you voted for the other parties lying demagogy that places power and money over human life that did not win, then you get what you deserve. If you own only 1 book and you only believe what your chosen leader tells you, buy more books and meet more people, seriously, you have issues if you believe the earth is flat and “they are out to get you”. If you think people owe you something just because your side is willing to give you everything you want for your blind loyalty, that’s even more of an issue.
If you got dropped on your head as a baby, that would be a more valid excuse, think or sink.
Im not saying I am 100% correct, these have been my opinions, but I did look at both sides, and looked at it considering all things, which means this, will inevitably upset someone. One thing seems to be prevalent, and it is sad to say, of all things people do to make themselves seem popular, cool or “in the now”, when di being a Victim become fashionable? If you were a “victim” of a crime, a rape, or anything not of your doing, it is not shameful, you should be heard and you should be protected, comforted and shown love… but with so many victims just popping up all over with all the “problems” that need to be corrected, all the evil they attest to, how do we know who is a real victim anymore.
And when did a movie star complaining she was forced to do a sexual act to get a movie role she got paid millions of dollars for become more horrific than a 6 year old girl getting killed in her bed by a stray bullet from a gun fired by a police officer during an illegal raid in her home because the police went to the wrong address.